sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
