I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
