You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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