Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
