Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
