Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1046 607 share tweet
The uberlube is also flammable
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize