if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
