just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
