Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
