Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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