he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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