Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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