Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
