you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
