You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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