i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
