Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
