I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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