Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
