your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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