Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
