That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
