I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
