he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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