i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
