You work out of a Hotel?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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