That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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