I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
