When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
