dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
