Kiss
Puke
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize