pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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