apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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