why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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