Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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