its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
