I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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