if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
