90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize