Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
