he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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