apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
