What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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