hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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