Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
