rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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