someone owes me an orgasm
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
