I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize