ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
