If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
