You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
