Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
