guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
