what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
