She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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