Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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