Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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