so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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