Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
