It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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